


The Golden Strings Of Fate

by Oaklin



Category: Professional Wrestling, 新日本プロレス | New Japan Pro-Wrestling
Genre: Angst, Blasphemy, Codependency, Denial, Forgiveness, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Idolization, Injury, Insecurity, Kayfabe Compliant, Kenny Making Things More Complicated Than They Need To Be, Loneliness, Longing, M/M, Mutual Pining, Narcissism, Protectiveness, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Reverence, Run-ins, Stubborness, Swearing, Tears, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Unresolved Emotional Tension, oh god the angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-31
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2019-03-11 08:20:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13520319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oaklin/pseuds/Oaklin
Summary: They tie them and bind them, trapping him and confining them both, those little threads of Golden that ensnared the both of them all those years ago...(this is basically me *screaming* for some two-thousand words about Sunday's show)





	The Golden Strings Of Fate

**Author's Note:**

> Trivia time. Did you know that the Golden Lovers were formed almost exactly nine years ago? They officially debuted in January 2009, on the 24th, if I remember correctly.
> 
> ~the more you knoooooooow~

He can’t see that face, but he can see the tense posture, ready for a fight, ready to protect, poised to strike at the slightest provocation.

Until Cody and Hangman disappear backstage, at least. Then Ibushi’s posture relaxes, or more accurately, he sags. Kenny can't tell if it’s in relief, or resignation, but Ibushi’s shoulders just slump, his whole body slacking, as an air of tight dread fills the space between them.

The crowd lets out a nervous rumble, their emotions running high, that special connection between the wrestlers and the audience at its peak in this moment. Kenny can usually appreciate that, but presently he kind of just wants the ring to open up and swallow him whole, to spare him this confrontation.

Ibushi’s face echoes that thought, when he finally turns around and flashes a painfully brief look at Kenny’s battered body. Ibushi doesn’t look at him for more than a heartbeat, their eyes grazing past each other, no doubt leaving scorch marks on each other’s faces. Kenny can’t look away, but Ibushi drops his eyes to the mat, his fingers twitching nervously as he glances at the ramp.

Ah. Ibushi wants to **leave.**

Kenny can understand that sentiment.

It still **_hurts_ ** though.

Surprisingly, it doesn’t feel any better when Ibushi turns around, the bright lights of the arena haloing him, that ethereal wing that Kenny will always swear Ibushi has, cascading out behind him in a burst of light and grace. Kenny knows that if he squints, and concentrates on the image, he will be able to see the singed edges of those feathers.

He focuses his attention on Ibushi’s face, staring determinedly at his left cheekbone, so he won’t notice the little stumble as the broken bird trudges towards him, the other half of his heart aching as their bodies drift ever closer to finally being whole again.

God, Kenny wishes he could stop the-

Oh.

That is so fucking-

Kenny swallows the snide remarks trying to claw their way out of his raw throat. He braces himself, trying to stay steady on his elbow, breathing through his teeth as he feels an aching burn at the backs of his eyeballs.

He braces himself, like he is about to take a leap of faith, and looks down at the hand being held out to him. The extended olive branch is heavy with all the things that Kenny Omega does not want- deservecraveneed _please_ -

He can’t.

He scoots back and away, biting back all the vile things that threaten to tumble out of his mouth. He is so short of breath, he would probably never get anything coherent out anyway, and even if he did, it would most likely come out whiney and wet, full of unshed grief and sobs from deep in the soul that he no longer has.

He will not take that hand. That hand is not what he wants from-

Not from Kota, damn it. Not his time, not now. Not when he is like this. Not when he has failed his most terrible failure, or well. Second most terrible failure. All the things he has built. All the work he did. All the joy he felt, side by side with Nick and Matt. It’s all gone, slipped through his fingers like the worst kind of cosmic joke. Like the very universe itself is twisting itself around in order to spit in Kenny’s face.

 **‘You don’t get nice things,’** the very earth itself whispers to him menacingly.

 **‘You have proven, over and over again, that you do not deserve anything good or pure or innocent,’** the crowd seems to snarl quietly, their silent disapproval making him feel small and unimportant and insignificant.

 _‘How could you think anything had changed?’_ Ibushi’s offered hand gently chides, the angelic creature stepping closer to him, insistent on rubbing this in Omega’s face.

You couldn’t do it on your own. Needed to be saved, rescued, like the failure you’ve-

“Please,” Kota whispers, so soft and tentative, his voice rough and raw, as if he is holding back tears. Kenny closes his eyes against the sound, irritated when just that voice is enough to dispel his ugly, petty train of thought.

Because really, this was no different from-

It’s just what you do, after all. Isn’t it? Kenny would save Matt and Nick from anyone who would do them harm. They hadn’t saved him tonight, but that is because Omega is a huge, outrageously ungrateful fuckup who does not deserve to be saved. Which was why Ibushi is out here now, to rub all his failures in his face. Maybe not intentionally, but that is what this feels like.

He wonders if he is being unreasonable. Ibushi’s face does seem earnestly sincere (since when did Kenny earn _that_ face?). His eyes are soft and his gaze is tenderly holding Kenny’s, as if cradling his aching body to Ibushi’s chest, shielding Kenny’s hurt pride with that one beautiful, broken wing.

Kenny snaps himself out of his wistfulness, dragging himself up the ropes.

He can do better than this. He has come so far. A little set back like this shouldn’t be cleaving his hard earned independence like this. He should be able to stand and shove Ibushi’s empathy away, let it roll of of him like water off a duck’s ass.

Kenny should not still be _this_ codependent.

He shakes his head. That hand is offered in- pity, compassion, a gesture to invoke echoes that Kenny would rather forget- _solidarity_ is nothing that Kenny wants anything to do with. He doesn’t _want_ those things from Ibushi. He’d take them from almost anyone else, but not from this beautiful creature before him. Kenny would have taken it once, would have leaned forward and buried his face in that perfect neck, breathing in lungfuls of the sweetest absolution. He would have let Kota guide him away, tend to him, whisper soft concerns and run tender hands across Kenny’s battered skin.

Those days are long past now, though. Kenny does not need to be coddled (does not deserve to be coddled)

Granted, Kenny also does not deserve to be touched by those hands at all. He glances at the fingers in question, finding he cannot look at the offered absolution of his abhorrent crimes for too long.

Kenny glances up fleetingly at that face, so open and hopeful and **_godheistheworstpersonintheworld-_ **

Never ever...

He grinds his teeth, glaring at the ceiling. He does not _need_ Kota to pick him up and set him back on course. He doesn't need this tenderness that brings old wounds to the forefront, scratching at his insides like a cat that wants to be let out of the house. Kenny needs none of these things from Ibushi anymore. He just needs…

Doesn’t matter. He stopped desperately clawing for Kota’s respect a long time ago. He tells himself that it doesn’t hurt like it used to.

Kenny shakes his head again at the offered hand, leaning back heavily on the ropes and staring at the floor, or the mat, or the ceiling. Anywhere but that slow, agonizing slide of disappointment replacing the hope on Ibushi’s face.

Fuck. Why is this so hard? Why is this _always_ so-

Ibushi seems to be struggling with it even more than Kenny is. Kenny swallows, wishing he had better timing as he locks eye with his- idol, friend, lover, rival, _soulmate_ -with _Ibushi_ just in time to catch a single, devastated tear escape the confines of dark eyes to plop down on Ibushi’s shoulder, leaving a tiny wet mar on his white shirt. Kenny swallows again as bile rises up in his throat and shame forces his eyes away from the shattered, tear stained angel in front of him.

Kenny feels acutely, in this moment, that he has never known how to build anything. Which is hilarious, coming from someone who proclaims lofty goals of changing the world. And yet, here he stands -well, slumps- unable to stop himself from wrecking the best thing that ever happened to him. The only thing that has ever, or will ever, love him so unconditionally. So devoted is this man before him, that Kenny can cause such such forlorn, ruined faces, and yet Kota doesn’t strike Kenny down. Or hurt him in anyway, really.

It’s as if he jinxed it, because as soon as he has the thought, Kota turns away, his face a crumpled mess of abandoned uncertainty and bitter disappointment.

It **_hurts._ **

It feels like an inferno of grief, bubbling through his very being, searing him from the inside out and leaving his gasping, feeling like the world has fallen out from under him. He chokes out a noise somewhere between a laugh and a sob, his body shaking uncontrollably for reasons that he knows has nothing to do with his injuries. Kota steps away from him, his graceful poise off center as he loiters, his posture unsure and dejected.

One of them has to leave first, and it has always been Kenny before. Why change old habits now?

Kenny focuses his blurry, exhausted eyes on the mat, ready to crawl out of this damn arena if he has too, anything to escape this horrible, nightmarish cycle of endings and goodbyes without the closure. He just wants to go home and sleep for a day. And then maybe work out for sixteen hours, streaming Yuri on Ice to distract himself from the disaster of the last few hours.

If only he would get out of this ring and away from the one person who-

Well. The one person who wants to make it better, it seems. Odd, that after all this time, the one person who stays, the one person who waits, the one person who doesn’t care what face Omega is wearing on any given day, just so happens to be the one person who has seen the very worst that Kenny Omega has to offer, in all the ways that it is possible to witness such awfulness.

He has retained enough self awareness to scoff at himself for such a stupid goddamn thought.

Of course the one who puts up with your stupidest shit, and loves you anyways, would be the one to hold you up at your worst.

He has always been bad at such things, but even he knows that that is how love works. The real, best kind of love anyway.

Kenny feels an acute ache for the Bucks, at the thought of the most valuable thing that they taught him. Of course, all thinking about them does is send another wave of self deprecation through him.

Before he can really get rolling on his internal angst, a hand slaps sharply against his shoulder and he is thrust back, his sweat-slick back colliding harshly against the ropes behind him.

There is a fierceness on Kota’s face now, the gentle need, the desperate desire and the tender compassion still there, but the ferocity is new. It’s almost like the beginning of a match for a heartbeat, the heat between them erupting in a very brief tussle over emotions that they never fully put to bed. Kenny feels that old, familiar tug, looks deep into those eyes that he used to get lost in, and feels something snap inside him.

Perhaps Kota came out here to save them _both._

He doesn’t know if it’s his last nerve, his patience, his self control, or some combination. Standing there in the ring, looking at the other half of his heart, Kota’s face crumpling into gasping sobs, Kenny just knows that he needs to **_touch Kota Ibushi._ ** It doesn’t matter that he does not deserve it, it doesn’t matter that Kota should and could do so much better, it doesn’t even matter that Kota’s love sometimes feels like pity and disrespect.

Right now, Kenny just **_wants._ ** Kota leans in, like he **_wants_ ** the same things, his face a painful mix of determination, shattered hope and broken pleading. Kota’s body sways towards Kenny’s, and Kenny can’t find it in himself to turn this away.

He _can’t._

Kota feels exactly like he remembers. Solid muscle and stuttery breaths, his face immediately tucking itself into Kenny’s shoulder, the sobs wracking both of their bodies so much that it’s hard to move. Move Kenny does though, the force of his desire knocking them backwards, Kota going along without complaint, whispering broken forgiveness into Kenny’s sweaty skin as they stumble across the ring, Kenny’s gasping half formed apologies getting swallowed up by his breathless tears.

He feels simultaneously completely exhausted, and more alive and awake than he has in years, when he locks his arms around Kota’s shoulders. Getting his arms up is a trial, as his limbs feel like microwaved jello, but he clasps his fingers around his wrist, trapping Kota between his arms, the two of them snug to each other, their bodies pressed together in ways that they haven’t been in what feels like a lifetime. Kota makes no move to leave, and Kenny is more than happy to stay here, with this man, their tears pooling with Kenny’s own sweat.

The crowd cries, Milano cries, and the Golden Lovers cry. Just like that, a snowblind day in Sapporo marks the end of a long, cold, bitter, lonely road.

**Author's Note:**

> ...so sunday was not at all what I fucking expected.
> 
> Like at _**all.**_
> 
> Well. I got some things right. Weird things, and I wasn't even making a real guess, I was just ballsing around getting a plot bunny out of my head. It is weird that I got the stare down scene almost perfect in Everything That He Deserves, but I guess that is kind of a given, what with the two bullheaded shoujo characters in question.
> 
> And this has indeed become a shoujo (in the themes and story way, not necessarily in the target audience way), and you will never convince me otherwise. I saw BTE 90.
> 
> Speaking of Being The Elite episode 90, if you have not already, go watch that shit right now. Don't look it up and spoil yourself, just go watch it. Even if you usually don't watch the show, and don't like the jokes or the humor, watch it. All the way to the end. I promise that it is worth it. It's worth Everything, you might say ;)
> 
> Anyway, that got away from me, just like this fic did. I didn't mean to jump back into these two fools this soon. I did not expect them to blow their loads this early (honestly, boys. rude. you're not adrenaline-fueled twenty-somethings anymore, there is no excuse for such a lack of patience and self control) and I did not expect them to throw themselves back into each other at the speed of my goddamn heart breaking. Sweet lord baby sky daddy, I did not see that coming at all. I knew there would be drama, but I did not think that we would be here, with them so fucking committed (so soon! slow down! this is how it all went wrong the first time! well, no it isn't, but still...!) to this thing being a Thing...
> 
> Ug.
> 
> I guess I should have seen it through the storm clouds, now that I think about it. This whole thing is so Them, you know? Kenny (and he is **Kenny** again, seemingly mixed with the self loathing and desperation of the Omega character, and a peppering of the bite of The Cleaner. which I'm not complaining about mind, that is some stellar character growth) has never seemed to know how to love Kota any other way. It's either all or nothing with them (much to Ibushi's heartbreak) because when it's KennyandKota, the _Kota_ part of that seems to be non-negotiable. It's what got Kenny into this whole mess in the first goddamn place, all those long years ago (it was just under three years ago, guys, come on) so maybe he's learned something? It kinda seems like he has, if a certain thing that happened is to be believed. Kenny seems to be figuring out that he is perfectly capable of having close, heartfelt relationships (and letting himself be happy) while still being famous, or The Best Bout Machine(tm), or whatever other superficial bullshit he tells himself he wants. I'm glad to see his friendship with The Bucks has taught him that, at least, or so it seems. Also, he seems to be letting Ibushi's presence strengthen him again, and not worrying so much about all the little ways in which his feelings for Kota make him weak. Not that worrying about that did him any good. Omega still fell to Cody's very obvious manipulations, regardless of Omega's rejections of compassion. _Not_ letting Kota forgive him did nothing to protect either of them from pain.
> 
> *deep breaths*
> 
> If you couldn't tell, I can meta and fic about this subject forever. I may just end up doing that, if I don't shut the fuck up. So, all that jabbering out of the way, I hope you enjoy this mess, and Happy Golden Lovers Day (which is everyday, from now until forever, because I said so ^.^)


End file.
